Michelle TimchalkOn September 25, 2004, a student of mine since 2001, Michelle Timchalk, was killed in a car crash near Laurel Maryland. She was a very good (sometimes great :-)) student, but in a lot more important ways she was a great girl, a wonderful human being, and a woman who truly put meaning in Courage, and especially Compassion. And she tried her best at Scholarship. In her terribly untimely death we saw how important she was to so many people and what a friend she was to everyone she met. This is a copy of a post (with a tiny bit of editing) that I made on the blog of a student who graduated from the Academy in June of 2004.

Posted 1:22, 10/2/2004

Hey, this is Kirk Marchand. I'm not being sketchy by signing in as anonymous, it's just that if I do it this way I don't have to register [on the blog site]. I punched in Michelle's name to see if anything else was on the web about her, and your blog was the second thing on the list. I read what you wrote about the funeral and all, and I just felt like sharing a little with you.

Michelle was the very first AHC student who walked into my very first class at AHC, Structure and Analysis. I remember she was saying that she wasn't sure she "belonged" at Holy Cross since Palotti was in her neighborhood, but she'd liked HC the most when she shadowed. At that point I didn't know what a shadow was, so she explained it to me.

I taught her in S & A and Speech her freshman year, World Studies her whole sophomore year, and she was in my Latin American Studies class this semester. I also know her uncle, he's a liquor board inspector in Prince Georges County. I found her to be a very good student who occasionally talked to me, and everything that anyone has said about her in a social setting I experienced as her teacher.

The funniest, sweetest thing happened the Wednesday or Thursday before she died, though. My class was her last class of the day, and she ended up being the last student out. I have a photographic memory, so I remember things pretty vividly. She said "Mr. Mar, are you gonna miss us", in reference to her class graduating next spring. I told her that I remembered her being the first student in my first class, and when I told her that she had explained shadowing to me, she remembered and laughed. I didn't share this with anyone before the wake, but when I was standing in line waiting to get in, Brittany R. came running up to me and told me that Michelle had been really happy and had told them about me remembering her like that. That was one of many times I broke down crying this week, but it made me very happy that I had gotten to say that to her.

I want to clarify something that you talked about, too. I was with Jessie (you know, the dance major/ skydiver) at the funeral (this will be important in a minute). Only the seniors came in uniform, they asked that none of the other students come in uniform. But the thing that really made this gesture special was that some girls who have left Holy Cross over the past two years but would have been in this senior class were there to be with their class for Michelle. They were Lindsay, Hayley (not Lauren! Sorry Hayley! :-)), Emily, and I think I saw Alex and Ce Ce. These girls were there in school uniform with their former classmates, and when I told Jessie about that, she asked why. I took her inside and showed her the "Once a Holy Cross girl, always a Holy Cross girl" poster, and we held on to each other for a little bit.

One other thing I want to tell you about. On Monday, I brought in a bunch of cd's, a lot of different stuff. Some Bach, Jeff Buckley, Nick Drake, the Eagles. I played the cd's in my classes and we got a little work done. The toughest was the Latin American Studies class that she was in. We got through it ok. After class, I was going to sit by myself and listen to some music. But a lot of seniors wanted to hang with me. I played this song called "Unforgiven (Last Goodbye)" by Jeff Buckley and "You Set The Scene" by Love (a sixties band).
The Buckley song is actually about two people breaking up, but it has these lines in it that fit so well:

" you gave me more to live for,
more than you'll ever know."

"This is our last embrace,
must I dream and always see your face"

"Did you say "no, this can't happen to me,"
and did you rush to the phone to call?
Was there a voice unkind in the back of your mind saying,
maybe... you didn't know him at all."

"Well, the bells out in the church tower chime
Burning clues into this heart of mine
Thinking so hard on her soft eyes and the memory
Of her sighs that, 'it's over... it's over...'"

"You Set The Scene" has been an important song to me since I first heard it. It's from an album called Forever Changes, which is my favorite album of all time. Whenever I've had a big change in my life, this song has had one verse or a few lines that help me put things into perspective. There's this one verse on the first bridge of the song:

"This is the only thing that I am sure of
And that's all that lives is gonna die
And there'll always be some people here to wonder why
And for every happy hello, there must be a good-bye"

and a part of the conclusion that goes:

"I see your picture
It's in the same old frame
We meet again
You look so lovely
You with the same old smile
Stay for a while
I need you so, oh, oh, oh, oh"

The second song lost some people, but we all cried together over the first one. I didn't know Michelle like you all did, but I was aware of who she was. When you couple that with the simple fact that she should have lived a lot longer than me, well, I think it hit me terribly. Maybe not like it hit you, but it was emotionally devastating to me. I can't say I loved her, but I definitely and emphatically can say that I loved who she was to me, and especially to everyone around her.

I've been to a lot of funerals in my life, and I can say with absolute certainty that I've never been to a funeral with that many mourners. That is a testament to who she was. The only thing I feel that I can suggest is for you and all her friends to let her be remembered through you. You all will be great, you all will make a real difference in the world. Please let her be with you and make you even more than you would be on your own. When you're sixty or seventy and they're writing your biography for millions of people to read, please remember who Michelle was and what influence her life and death had on you. And I think you all know that if you ask for her help, just like always, she will be there for you.

Part of the response from the blogger on 10/3/2004:

Michelle was a special person to many people. She put skin on Christ for a lot of us. We all love her and miss her, but also know that we can pray to her and for her anytime we want.

More details are at: The Holy Cross website




Write to Mr. Marchand by clicking here, and let me know if I can post some of what you write. I'll keep your e-mail address and name confidential, it's a lot more important for people to just share your thoughts.
Here are a few more responses:

10/ 18/ 2004 - It seems like so long ago in some ways.Sometimes I miss her terribly, but sometimes I feel like she's right here.  It's kind of like there's a hole in every day, and it can only be filled slowly. I know she's in a better place now, but it really would be better if she was still here. Keep telling everyone to be careful!

10/ 31/ 2004 - She really made a difference to everyone who knew her. It's kind of funny, whenever school (especially the people at school) really gets on my nerves, I think about her and it all gets a different perspective. I realize how  easy it is to lose someone, so everyone means more to me now. I hope that makes sense.

11/ 25/ 04 - It's hard to believe it's two months now.  I  didn't think I knew her that well,  but I realize now how much I really did know her. It's more like she tried to get to know me - tried to get to know everybody.  When we've talked about her, it seems like that always comes up, the way she tried to get to know people. And she always had advice.  God bless you MT!
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